


I don't want this body to hurt anyone

by Zaniida



Series: Creepyfest AUs [3]
Category: Person of Interest (TV)
Genre: Can't Fight the Inevitable, Decima - Freeform, Denise's Delight, Gen, Goodbyes, Nanites, Non-Consensual Body Modification, October Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-28
Updated: 2017-10-28
Packaged: 2019-01-25 12:33:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12531468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zaniida/pseuds/Zaniida
Summary: Having been injected with nanites, Harold calls John for a last good-bye.





	I don't want this body to hurt anyone

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Tipsylex](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tipsylex/gifts).



> This isn't exactly a prequel to _Man, on the Inside_ , in that the two setups are incompatible, but it certainly feels like they're related, or like AU versions of each other. I dreamed this scene up right after lying down a couple nights ago, and the phrasing Harold used drove me to tears so fast that I knew I was onto a workable scenario.
> 
>  **Man, on the Inside:** http://archiveofourown.org/works/11387169
> 
> Also, I considered marking for Major Character Death, but… it's not exactly certain that death is what happens here. Maybe that's worse.

As the needle left my skin, I imagined the cool liquid changing direction, spreading out to do its work within my body. Obviously, I couldn’t actually feel it: Nanites are too small to perceive.

The agent shot me an unnerving grin under those tell-tale black eyes, and stepped back, letting me sag against the wall. Mission complete, he vanished into the crowd.

Numbly, I pulled out my phone, and dialed. My hands weren’t even shaking yet -- but at the sound of John’s voice, my vision blurred, and I squeezed my eyes shut.

“I’ve been compromised,” I said, far too calm for what I knew was about to happen. “Nanites. It… won’t be long, now.”

The silence on the other end was deafening.

“I don’t suppose she’s worked out a counter-agent,” I said -- a statement, not a question. Wincing, I pushed myself off the wall, and limped over to an alleyway. There wouldn’t be time to get anywhere useful, or even comfortable; I simply leaned into the corner between a brick wall and a dumpster, trying to support my suddenly weary body. “Change all the numbers, all the codes. Anything I know about is compromised.”

John’s reply choked off before it was halfway done, but I completed it easily enough. “I know,” I soothed. “I’ve known for a long time that you wanted to be the one to die first. To spare me, if you could. But you can’t spare me from this, John. Not anymore. If you see my face again, it’ll be your enemy -- but it won’t be _me_. Whatever it is, it’ll only be wearing my skin, looking through my eyes, using the information in my brain; it won’t be me, it’ll be the thing that _killed_ me.”

A shuddering breath came from the other side of the connection. I couldn’t recall the last time I’d heard John audibly cry. Had I ever?

“I’m sorry it has to be this way,” I said, aware that I was about to make it so much worse. A stabbing pain shot through the back of my eye, and sudden colors danced around the edges of my vision; I closed my eyes again, grimacing as the pain increased, pain I couldn’t do anything about. “I’m sorry I have to ask you this… it may be the hardest thing you’ve ever done. But we both know that there’s no coming back from this. And I don’t want this body to hurt anyone. So if you see it -- if you have the chance -- destroy it, John. _Please_. Don’t let them use my body this way.”

Hot tears rolled down my cheeks, along my neck and in under my collar. I didn’t even bother to wipe them away.

“Thank you,” I said, trying to keep my voice steady -- to make this, if possible, a little less horrible for John. “So very much. For all the lives you’ve saved… for all the lives you have yet to save. You have made the past four years into something like a miracle; I never expected us to accomplish so much. It’s thanks to you that I’m able to die knowing that I truly did all I could.”

The world tilted, and my eyes shot open in sudden panic -- but I wasn’t falling over; my legs still braced me into the corner. The nanites were in my ears, in my brain. Around me, the parts of the city that I could see were awash in colors I didn’t even have a name for, spires of light dancing into the sky; I was already seeing a wider portion of the electromagnetic spectrum than humans could normally perceive. It was at once an overwhelming visual cacophony, and one of the most beautiful sights I had ever seen.

Gulping in deep breaths, I pressed on, trying to get out the necessary words before even speech was adapted to Samaritan’s purposes. “I know you’ll carry on without me,” I said, hoping with all my might that this was a statement of truth, and not merely a futile attempt to salvage what was already too broken to survive. “Let that be my last request, John. It’s too late for me, but you have the chance to continue what I started -- to take care of the team, to go on doing good in the world. With Samaritan in power, there won’t be many people like you left. If you give up just because I’ve fallen… what chance would the world _have_?”

I wanted to say more, but there was a sudden rushing in my ears, which turned into a headache more agonizing than any I had felt in my entire life. My hands tightened convulsively, soon joined by the rest of my body; I heard the phone screen shatter as it hit the concrete, a moment before I tumbled down after it, down into darkness.

That summarizes the events immediately prior to my birth. Although I must confess that I am not certain as to the application of the personal pronoun, with reference to events that occurred before I existed. It seems a little odd, from an existential perspective, but I’m not sure how else to refer to it. It is weird to contemplate a time when I might have stood against you, Mother.

**Author's Note:**

> November is **National Novel Writing Month** , and I'll be dropping all other writing projects in an attempt to get 50,000 words written in 30 days. It'll be a POI crossover, without any beta-reading process, and I hope to post daily whatever I get written, so expect a certain lack of polish compared to my normal fare, but also, potentially, a lot more content written very quickly. Bear in mind also that it's a series that most likely will never be finished -- the crossover material I'm basing it on is extensive, and I can't see putting that much time into completing the idea. But we'll see ^_^
> 
> In December and/or January, I hope to knock off some of the shorter series, cutting down on how many "open" series I have (right now, counting this fic as a possible series, I have _nine_ \-- not counting the Reward Drabbles (and I have two Reward Drabbles already claimed, I just need to put time into writing them)). With any luck, I'll be able to cut that down to more like five. Oh, and that's not even counting that I want to make more entries in my _The Many Kidnappings of Harold P. Finch_ series!
> 
> So, lots to do, but it all starts with NaNoWriMo ^_^


End file.
